By Erin Song - Many of us think that they don't need advice for a happy marriage, but if that's the case, why do divorce rates keep climbing in and out of the United States? Thinking outside of the box and the grander scheme of things may be difficult if you're on the inside looking out in your relationship, so if your marriage is in need of help, consider the following tips.
Keep communicating. Marriages are all about communication, and that is not to be misconstrued as having a row every other day and engaging in the odd screaming match -- if that's communication, then I'm Gordon Brown incognito.
Communication is turning off the tube even in the middle of an intense football or baseball game, or in the middle of a soap opera cliffhanger, just so the two of you can share details about the day that was, or nip a problem by the bud. Good and honest communication is a boon and very seldom a bane to a marriage.
Don't be afraid to admit your shortcomings. If you are in the midst of a serious relationship, it is all too common for us to overlook the bad things and pretend that everything will turn out right. But here's the thing -- if this is something that you practise, you are not only lying to yourself, you are also lying to your partner and lying to the Church of England or the legality of your vows. Marital problems can snowball so easily, so you would want to stop them before it's too late. Again, the easiest way to do this when a problem does arise is by simple communication between you both.
There is a distinct difference between merely falling in love and keeping that loving relationship burning. In a way, falling in love is just like getting knackered at the bar -- your ability to think clearly and prudently is duly impaired by the sensation, and different stimuli tell you different things that all equate to that warm and fuzzy feeling of loving somebody. Unfortunately, this state rarely lasts past the first few years of marriage, so in many cases it's necessary to work together at maintaining a healthy and loving relationship.
Take a little wisdom from the American band the New Radicals -- you get what you give, as they sang in their '90s hit, and by making your partner happy he or she will exert more effort in doing the same for you. And with greater effort exerted in disbursing what another, older Yank group called "good vibrations", you can expect a greater, more intense and profound level of unconditional love from your partner.
Always remember that when you mend a relationship you aren't necessarily mending your better half. A marriage is a two-way street of communication, so your partner's issues are your issues and vice versa. You can't fix things by modifying the behaviour of one person, it has to be a team effort. You are a partner in a marriage, not Siegfried and/or Roy, and your better half is not a tiger whom you can tame and ask to perform at your beck and call just so you can be happy. If your partner isn't happy with these actions -- and he or she certainly won't -- then why should you be happy about that?
If it worked for Laurence and Jane (that's me and my wife, FYI), then it must work for you -- that's how confident I am in this simple advice.
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